Oh Where Oh Where Has My Inspiration Gone?

Where has the time gone?  It seems like forever since I have sat here and written ... When I write, I write to inspire, encourage, uplift and challenge.  Whether the talent is there or not is debatable but I believe it is a gift from God and that He uses me as a tool to reach others.  So what does that have to do with my absence?  Read on and you'll see ...

For the last few months I have struggled, not with my faith but in my faith.  To put it plainly I became lazy.  I loved my Jesus deeply but it became an effort to pick up my bible, to pray, to do my bible study, etc.  Sometimes it was easier to look the other way and do what was easiest - to please the flesh.  Nothing too dramatic, just me being selfish and putting myself ahead of Him ... a lot.  I'm not afraid to admit that because I don't feel like I ever pretend to be somebody that I'm not.  I'm human ... I fall short, I have been known to make a poor choice or two and I struggle just like everyone else. 

After going through a period of serious struggle last spring with my husbands job situation and everything that came along with that I was exhausted from praying and pleading with God.  It took a huge emotional toll on my husband and I.  Our God came through for us, provided for us and gave us a sweet victory in the end, but then it seemed like after everything went from bad to good, we stopped relying on God.  We didn't have to come and present our pleas and burdens to Him because life was pretty good.  Unintentionally, I think we felt that life was in a place that we could handle things ourselves.  I let myself drift away. Big mistake ...

While nothing crashed and burned, I felt more and more empty.  I LOVE to write.  I am passionate about words.  I LOVE the feeling of being overwhelmed with the possibilities and directions that my writing can take.  I LOVE hearing God speak to me and the feeling that comes with connecting with Him.  When in relationship with Him there comes a feeling of closeness and security that you cannot find anywhere else.  I missed that.  I missed hearing Him and I missed being inspired by Him.  When you don't stop and listen to Him, you can't hear Him.  It gets pretty quiet on both ends.

It's funny because when I was at a low point in my life yet still relying on Him, His words and encouragement flowed through me like crazy.  I was inspired with incredible things.  We were connected, communicating and in relationship with each other.  After letting myself drift away from that relationship everything fell into a quiet lull and I knew I needed to make a change.  After a lot of prayer and pressing in I came to a place where I started to connect again.  By just adding Him back into my life a little at a time and giving Him the time that He so desired from me things began to change.  I feel that old familiar tug at my spirit.  I feel the urge to learn and grow.  It is awesome!  One of the big lessons I learned from this time away is that as much as we want to use our gifts, reach others and make a difference we are nothing without Him.  When I was disconnected I could not think of a single thing to say.  I wanted to write, but there was nothing there. 

What it comes down to is that we all need Him to be the best that we are capable of being.  Life can be easy, rewarding and fulfilling but it can be even BETTER if He is a part of it.  He can take our talents and push us to levels we never imagined or ever gotten to on our own.  Don't just rely on Him when things are tough and trying, make Him the ruler of your entire life, bad and good.  He can make the good sweeter then ever if you let Him.  So ... I'm back ...  The prodigal daughter has returned.  The ideas are flowing, my heart is back in the right place, I have learned a valuable lesson and I am ready to press into Him and see where He takes me. 

Your Life Is Going to Change Me

"Wherever you are, whenever it's right,

You'll come outta nowhere and into my life."

     When my second child was only nine months old, I found out that I was pregnant again.  So many people that I know (and don't know for that matter) would have been thrilled at that kind of surprise, but I was devastated.  The news came completely out of left field and we were shocked to say the least.  Our family was not in a stable financial place.  We already had two very young children and it was a challenge enough with them.  Neither one of our cars were big enough for three car seats, our house was only a three bedroom ... three kids would mean a lot of changes. 

     I struggled so much with accepting the pregnancy and it took a huge emotional toll on me.  Fear ruled my emotions as I was so scared to be bringing another child into the world and felt like the timing couldn't have been worse.  Why would God throw this on us during a time when we were struggling in so many other areas?  It didn't seem fair.  Selfishly, I stayed in my self pity for a few months.  I didn't allow myself to feel any joy or excitement and instead fell into depression. 

     One day, while at an event that my Mom was hosting I ended up in a conversation with one of the other guests.  Without me even bringing up my disappointment about my pregnancy she looked at me and said, "Sometimes the best gifts are those that we least expect or that drop into our laps at the most inconvenient times.  God is going to use this child in mighty ways and she will surpass everything you could ever wish for, for her." Wow ...  I was blown away!

     At that moment, I remembered the verse that I had heard so many times before, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11.  I felt so ashamed for my actions.  Yes, this was an inopportune time, we weren't ready, we were scared, we had no clue how it was going to work but God created this child specifically for us, to not only bless us but to bless the world.  She was our incredible gift from Him.  All of the little details didn't matter anymore.  It would work.  God knew my heart.  He knew our family.  Before the beginning of time, He knew that we were meant to be together. 

"And I know that we can be so amazin'

And baby your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet."

     Almost three years later that baby is a beautiful, bouncing child who is filled with joy from head to toe.  Things haven't always been foot loose and fancy free, but we have made it.  She adds so much zest to our family and we would never be complete without her smiling face.  Though she can definitely be a feisty little thing and she challenges me like no other, she is exactly who God created her to be and I love her to pieces for that.  She never ceases to amaze me and I am convinced everyday that this little girl is going to be something utterly amazing.  God is going to work through her and do incredible things in her life. 

     So often I look at her and remember back to feeling so hopeless and scared- although now I am comforted by those memories because God has proved to remain faithful and true to His Word. Sometimes the best gifts are those that we least expect or that drop into our laps at the most inconvenient times.  Be thankful for the surprises that God throws your way.  He can bless our socks off, even in the midst of hardship and doubt. 

"And I know that we can be so amazin'

And bein' in your life is gonna change me

And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out

And I'll work to work it out

Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get"

Michael Buble

A Little Dose of Humility

Proverbs 16:18-19 "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud."

Recently I had the opportunity to suck up my pride and humble myself like never before.  If you know me, you know that I rarely bring myself to that level ... it's hard.  Pride is a sin that every one of us struggles with.  It plagues us and can ruin relationships and other things that we hold dear in our lives.  It also builds walls and keep us from God.  I learned the hard way what happens when we allow pride to rule our hearts and minds.

A few years ago a very good friend of mine, who happened to live up the street from me, moved away.  Our families were very good friends and we had strong bonds between us.  We spent a lot of time with these people.  They were the type of friends who you could call at 5:00 p.m. on a Saturday night and say, "whats for dinner?" and just show up at their door five minutes later.  Even though they only moved a few minutes away, I was devastated to lose the close connection that we had shared as close neighbors as well as friends.  I also wished that my own family were at the point in which we were ready to move into a bigger house and frankly there was some jealousy brewing in my heart.

To keep myself from feeling replaced, envious and sad I completely shut these friends out.  I made no attempts to have any sort of remnant of our previous friendship.  This went on for two years.  Did I feel better as planned?  Sometimes it didn't bother me at all as I numbed myself pretty well.  Other times I would terribly miss my friends and the closeness that we shared.  My friend on the other hand had come to me on a few separate occasions, very upset and completely in the dark as to what had happened to our friendship.  I flat out lied,  made up excuses and brushed her off.  I knew in my heart that to mend this friendship I would have to come clean and honestly it was easier to lose a great friend then to admit my pride.  Isn't that sad?  Pride can do awful things to your heart. 

During my prayer time I, clear as day heard God to tell me that I had to deal with this.  Even when I continued to brush off His words, He kept drilling it in to my head.  When God wants you to do something, you do it.  If you don't, He will find a way to get things done another way.  After months and months of praying about the situation I finally made the decision to do the right thing although I was sick to my stomach about it.  Knowing that I caused such a wonderful friend such pain because of my own selfish pride was a very hard thing to admit- especially to her!  And God wasn't about let me to write an email ... I had to tell her to her face. 

I met up with my friend, which was terribly uncomfortable.  I won't lie, there was a reason that we met for margarita's!  I just opened my mouth and let it all spill out.  I admitted my sin, owned up to everything that I had done and asked for her forgiveness.  Surprisingly, she got teary eyed and gladly accepted my apology and forgave me for everything.  She didn't point any fingers or hold anything against me.  She welcomed back her "prodigal friend" and I was very happy.  That was even more humbling!

Instead of feeling exposed, lowely and awful like I thought I would feel after completely humbling myself, I felt free.  Free to just let go all of those weighing feelings that pinned me down for some long.  Free to finally let things be the way they were supposed to, without pressure, without keeping up a fake fisade or anything else.  It will take time for my friend and I to come to the place that we were once at, but I am confidant that when God brings such great people into our lives, if we obey Him, He will guide those relationships back to where He can bless us through them again. 

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done.  Nobody likes to admit when they have caused strife and hurt people.  Nobody likes to be seen as weak or vulnerable either.  As a person who holds herself up very strongly and depends on others for very little, this brought me to my knees and humbled me greatly.  I challenge you to look at where your pride lies ... we all have it in some place or another.  Pray on that and ask God what He wants you to do with it.  You might be surprised at how freeing it really is to let go and let God.  When you let go of your pride you also allow Him to work in your life and bestow even greater blessings on your own life. Psalms 149:4 "For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation."

Family

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching." Proverbs 1:8

Today I am thinking of my family.  Not everyone is as lucky as I to have such an amazing family.  Growing up I learned just how important family was at a very early age.  We were always tightly connected with our extended relatives.  Whether they lived near or far, I knew my family and appreciated them for exactly who they were.  We spent holidays together, went on weekend trips to my grandfathers cabin together, celebrated together, etc.  I remember our "family time" to be so fun.  Even when there was drama, I loved being around my family.  No matter how complicated or crazy things got or still get with my family I will always look at them as my people ... my family.  We share a history and are connected and when it comes down to it, that means something.

My immediate family was equally amazing and had a huge impact on who I am today.   As a child and teenager I fought with my parents so much.  Since I had terrible grades and was interested in being a social butterfly more than anything else I was hardly ever in agreement with my parents and I felt that they were very hard me.  I was grounded more then any kid that I knew, I just couldn't get it right.  I'm sure that as much as I thought I was being treated utterly unfairly, my parents were dealing with their own struggle of  trying to figure out how to parent/manage me.  I'm sure there were times that they probably thought I was a lost cause.

Once I got through high school (which was a miracle in and of itself) and lived through a couple crazy early adult years, I came to appreciate my parents so much more.  I actually liked spending time with them and couldn't get enough of their advice.  I became so interested in who I was and where I came from.  I wanted to know how my parents became who they are today.  I would call my Dad at work and ask the most random questions about his past, his likes and dislikes, among other random stuff.  I inquired and listened to my Mom's stories about growing up and what her life was like before she met my Dad.  I began to see them as more then just parents, but as real people with real stories.  I wanted to know EVERYTHING about everything because I didn't want the day to come where they were gone and I had questions that I couldn't get answered.  I wanted to be able to pass their stories down so that my kids and grandkids could know these extraordinary  people who raised me. 

Now that I have my own children I understand why my parents were so hard on me.  This world is a scary place and I want to protect and prepare my children as much as I can, just like my parents wanted to protect and prepare me.  I understand the importance of instilling strong values and character.  I know that being a parent means more then just being the person who physically takes care of their children, but rather never giving up, constantly working hard so that your children can be the best that they are capable of being and being there no matter what.

My parents gave me the greatest gift they could have ever given me by raising me in a Christian home and pushing me to constantly pursue a life with Christ.  They taught me how to live, how to lead, how to love, how to handle crisis and so much more.  I have the deepest appeciation and respect for both of my parents and I only hope to someday have their wisdom to pass on to my children. I am so incredibly blessed! I love my family from the depths of my heart and couldn't imagine a life without any of them.  Our history is rich, our relationhips are strong and we represnt everything that a family can be.

Who do you come from?  What have you learned from your family?  What can you still learn from them?  What can you do for them?  How can you use your experiences and lessons from your family to help others?  I challenge you to take a look at your family and dig deeper.  Christ blesses beyond measure through our families!

And now we breathe ...

"But as for me, I will sing about your power.  I will shout with joy each morning because of your unfailing love.  For you have been my refuge, a place of safety in the day of distress.  O my strength, to you I sing praises, for you O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love." - Psalm 59: 16-17

Where to begin ... At the end of February my husband was unfairly let go of his position at work.  It was awful.  He had been struggling with the working relationship between his boss and himself for a long time.  She was a cruel woman who truly had it out for him. She finally set him up for failure and there was no way out of it.  He was let go and denied unemployment benefits because of the situation.  Can you imagine our worries as a family of five going into a period of unemployment with no income and no substantial savings to back us up?  Yikes ...

Oddly enough, despite the situation, I didn't feel too terribly worried about how we would make ends meet. I had a strong sense of faith in my heart and felt that God would surely carry us through this time. At the beginning of the year we committed to start tithing every month for the year of 2010 ... no matter the circumstance we would give what we could. Before my husband even lost his job things started happening in our finances.  Some of our monthly bills began drastically dropping in what we owed.  It was almost as if these savings dropped into our laps as I hadn't gone looking for them.  After my husband lost his job, these savings continued as little refunds and opportunities to earn extra money came up often.  It was an amazing blessing!  For the entire four months that he was unemployed we paid every single one of our bills on our own, on time (even early) and still ended up with extra money to treat our children and do fun things as a family.  Such a blessing!

During this time we were also caught in an ugly battle with his former employer fighting to get our unemployment payments since they had been denied.  This employer was ruthless, adamant and would stop at nothing to fight us.  They went to the extreme of hiring a large firm to represent them, they fabricated evidence, etc.  It was ugly to say the least.  We were EXTREMELY blessed by the kindness of a friend of our families, an employment attorney, who took our case and fought for us.  He spent hours upon hours of his time to help us asking nothing in return. 

The emotional stress that this case caused was awful.  My husband was sick to his stomach often and couldn't even talk about it.  I prayed like I have never prayed before .. I got on my knees, begged, pleaded and even praised Him throughout the situation. I felt like David hiding out in the caves from my enemies, clinging to my Lord for protection and begging for justice.  Then one day justice came.  I opened the letter from the unemployment office and read the words "Claimant is found NOT AT FAULT and is awarded full benefits." !!!  My heart felt like it could burst with joy and excitement.  "The godly will rejoice when they see injustice avenged.  They will wash their feet in the blood of the wicked.  Then at last everyone will say, 'There truly is reward for those who live for God; surely there is a God who judges justly here on earth.' " - Psalm 58:10-11.

God is so good!  The same week that we received the news about the unemployment (right as our money had run out), my husband interviewed for a job and was offered the job on the spot.  This was also a job in a completely new field which uses his skills that he has recently acquired since joining the military.  He was "tickled fancy" to say the least.  He is making more money, doing what he loves and has a schedule that is convenient for our family allowing him to have even more time to spend with our daughters.  Is God amazing or what?!

We have been blessed to say the least.  We made a commitment to give to Him financially, which was a hard choice to make, but He took that small step and blessed us immensely.  Thank you to our friends, family and church family who have continually lifted us up in prayer throughout this situation.  To know that we had an army praying for us was incredible and we are so grateful!  Thank you to our attorney for having faith in us, working with us, giving us your time and your efforts.  Without you justice would NOT have been served.  You have been covered in prayer by so many and I pray that now you are blessed ten fold for blessing our family.  Lastly, praise be to GOD who carried us through.  Words cannot express my love, my faith, my appreciation and my joy for you.  Thank you for continuing to carry me when I couldn't face you, for never letting go, for protecting my family and for the awesome testimony you have provided.  Yahweh Nissi you ARE my banner of strength!

I pray that as you all read this, you are encouraged in your own struggles ... when life is seemingly at wits end or if it seems like there is no hope trust in Him.  There is always hope.  Things might work out differently then you thought they needed to, but sometimes His plan is even better then we could have imagined.  Even when your faith is rocked, keep trusting, it is then when you are humbly on your knees before Him that miracles begin to happen.

Jesus Loves The Little Children

“But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” - Matthew 19:14


“ … and Lord, thank you for these beautiful girls that you blessed me with. Thank you so much for making me their Mommy.” This is how my prayers end each night when we do bedtime prayers with the girls. I often like to remind myself that these are not my children so to speak. They are His. He hand picked me to be their guardian. I am called to protect them, teach them, guide them and nurture them. It is my duty to lead them to Him. What an amazing job to be given … to be given these perfect little creatures and “grow them” for Him.

My youngest is just two and a half. In a logical sense she does not know Jesus. She doesn’t know the facts, she doesn’t understand the importance of having faith. But every night before bed, she says, “Dear God. Thank you, mommy, daddy, dister (sister), puppy (which we don’t have) … maymen (amen)!” She is always so eager to talk to God. She proudly says her prayers and then, usually, goes to bed happily. It makes me so happy to see her develop that step of faith at such a young age. Faith starts in small steps.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Children cling to everything that we, as parents, do or say. They are easily influenced and therefore are very trusting. Lead your precious child to Him. Take advantage of that short  period of time when your children are young and open. Breathe Jesus into their everyday lives. As you do, watch them grow and develop deep and lasting relationships with Him. It is an awesome experience to witness! The greatest gift you can give your child is the gift of knowing Jesus.

A Friend Loves At All Times

During the last year I have had the chance to really examine my friendships.  Rather then going day to day living with my friends, I have taken the time to sit back and really look at my different friendships.  Like anyone else my friendships have had their ups and downs.  I've experienced the pure joy and bliss that friendship can bring and I have also witnessed the raging storms that sometimes creep into friendships.  I have gained many precious friends over the years and sadly lost others along the way. 

Friends are a precious commodity to me.  I honestly don't know how I would live without mine.  All of my friends are totally different and bring different things to my life.  I value each and everyone of them for the various aspects that they contribute to my life.  I can look back on various times in my life when I have felt a certain way, and remember needing or wanting a specific person who I knew could carry me through whatever that situation was.  The friend that I could call on depended on what I was going through.  God blesses us richly in that way.  He gives us variety to spice up our lives.  Wouldn't it be boring if we all only had one friend who was our only friend and that was all we got?!  Even if that person held all the qualities we would ever need or desire in a friend, it would still get boring.  He gives us the chance to build multiple friendships with a vast number of unique people.

As stated above I have had my share of ups and downs in friendships.  Sadly some of those downs have been caused my by own selfish ambition and pride.  I have hurt others and been hurt by others.  I have turned my back, withdrawn my hand and even wimped out on some of my friends over the years.  I am not proud of that.  God has been working in me over the last year and showing me parts of myself that need fixin'!  As important of a role as my friendships have played in my life, I have not always done my best to be thankful for and given my all to maintain some of those. 

Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times ... " Have you always loved your friends as you should?  Have your friends always been given a fair and honest part of you?  Have you been loyal?  We have all fallen short in friendships and relationships.  It is only human to fail!  I think though, that we need to step back and examine those times when we have failed our friends and take an honest look at ourselves.  What kind of friend am I?  What do I offer?  How can I better serve my friends?  The greatest example of a loyal friend is someone who sticks by you during the most difficult times of distress and personal struggle.  It can be hard to be a friend to someone during times like that, but that is when you can be your best to those you love.  That is when friendships really counts.  Don't be remembered as the person who was around when it suited only themself and then disappeared when the going got tough.  Be remembered as the dear friend who was always there, even when it was hard.  The person who could always be counted on. 

As I look forward to the future of my friendships I am seeking how I can be that better person.  As much as these precious people mean to me, they deserve the best from me all the time.  A friend loves at all times.  It comes down to a simple logic, love.  Nurture and care for those special people that you have been blessed with.  They have been handpicked for you and you for them!