I hope to inspire and encourage others through my own life experiences and my faith ...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Oh Where Oh Where Has My Inspiration Gone?

Where has the time gone?  It seems like forever since I have sat here and written ... When I write, I write to inspire, encourage, uplift and challenge.  Whether the talent is there or not is debatable but I believe it is a gift from God and that He uses me as a tool to reach others.  So what does that have to do with my absence?  Read on and you'll see ...

For the last few months I have struggled, not with my faith but in my faith.  To put it plainly I became lazy.  I loved my Jesus deeply but it became an effort to pick up my bible, to pray, to do my bible study, etc.  Sometimes it was easier to look the other way and do what was easiest - to please the flesh.  Nothing too dramatic, just me being selfish and putting myself ahead of Him ... a lot.  I'm not afraid to admit that because I don't feel like I ever pretend to be somebody that I'm not.  I'm human ... I fall short, I have been known to make a poor choice or two and I struggle just like everyone else. 

After going through a period of serious struggle last spring with my husbands job situation and everything that came along with that I was exhausted from praying and pleading with God.  It took a huge emotional toll on my husband and I.  Our God came through for us, provided for us and gave us a sweet victory in the end, but then it seemed like after everything went from bad to good, we stopped relying on God.  We didn't have to come and present our pleas and burdens to Him because life was pretty good.  Unintentionally, I think we felt that life was in a place that we could handle things ourselves.  I let myself drift away. Big mistake ...

While nothing crashed and burned, I felt more and more empty.  I LOVE to write.  I am passionate about words.  I LOVE the feeling of being overwhelmed with the possibilities and directions that my writing can take.  I LOVE hearing God speak to me and the feeling that comes with connecting with Him.  When in relationship with Him there comes a feeling of closeness and security that you cannot find anywhere else.  I missed that.  I missed hearing Him and I missed being inspired by Him.  When you don't stop and listen to Him, you can't hear Him.  It gets pretty quiet on both ends.

It's funny because when I was at a low point in my life yet still relying on Him, His words and encouragement flowed through me like crazy.  I was inspired with incredible things.  We were connected, communicating and in relationship with each other.  After letting myself drift away from that relationship everything fell into a quiet lull and I knew I needed to make a change.  After a lot of prayer and pressing in I came to a place where I started to connect again.  By just adding Him back into my life a little at a time and giving Him the time that He so desired from me things began to change.  I feel that old familiar tug at my spirit.  I feel the urge to learn and grow.  It is awesome!  One of the big lessons I learned from this time away is that as much as we want to use our gifts, reach others and make a difference we are nothing without Him.  When I was disconnected I could not think of a single thing to say.  I wanted to write, but there was nothing there. 

What it comes down to is that we all need Him to be the best that we are capable of being.  Life can be easy, rewarding and fulfilling but it can be even BETTER if He is a part of it.  He can take our talents and push us to levels we never imagined or ever gotten to on our own.  Don't just rely on Him when things are tough and trying, make Him the ruler of your entire life, bad and good.  He can make the good sweeter then ever if you let Him.  So ... I'm back ...  The prodigal daughter has returned.  The ideas are flowing, my heart is back in the right place, I have learned a valuable lesson and I am ready to press into Him and see where He takes me. 

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