I woke up today with a heavy heart. My dreams often haunt me and expose the darkest parts of my soul. Sometimes I remember the dream while other times I have no recollection of them although I wake up utterly shaken and the darkness of it weighs heavily. I awake with feelings of deep sorrow, confusion and pain. Where did this come from and why did it have to plague me today? Why when everything is good and right do these dreams come in and stick a knife in my heart?
I opened up my Jesus Calling book after I got up and came across this: "Come to Me for understanding, since I know you far better then you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don't be afraid of My intimate awareness. Allow the Light of My healing Presence to shine into the deepest recesses of your being- cleansing, healing, refreshing, and renewing you ... I speak to you from the depths of your being. Hear me saying soothing words of Peace, assuring you of My Love. Do not listen to the voices of accusation, for they are not from Me ... My Spirit convicts cleanly, without crushing words of shame. Let the Spirit take charge of your mind, combing out tangles of deception" (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, p80 & 82).
Wow, so beautiful! I often forget the depths of His understanding. It is easy to remember that He created me and breathed life into me- those truths were drilled into my head as a child. What I tend to forget is that not only did He create me but He knows me better then I know myself. He sees and understands the complexities of my heart, which so often I don't even understand! As I wake up and relive these huntings I am not alone; He is right there next to me. What a comfort to know that there is another who can feel my pain, see my struggle and truly understand it. I may not immediately resolve the issues that these hauntings root from but I am learning how to peacefully put them to rest and move forward with my day. I am able to take comfort in His presence and fill up with His strength.
There is something incredible about His intimate knowledge of our hearts. I think it brings us to a whole new level and awareness of His love. He sees those dark things that plague us. He understands them. He STILL loves us despite them. He doesn't grow tired of our constant inward battles, in fact He lifts us up and carries us through them if we allow Him. If you struggle with similar hurt and pain remember to take comfort in His understanding and seek refuge in His arms. Draw from His strength and find peace.
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away ... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." -Psalm 139 1-2, 23
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