Ladies, it has been fun ...

Well ladies, it has been fun ... at times it has also been tiring, frustrating, lonely, scary and for those reasons and so many more I am so blessed to have such a strong group of girlfriends to help me through the rough times! Where would I have been without you?

One afternoon in April I collapsed on my bed after a really long, hard week and I pushed back tears, swallowed my disappointment and frustrations ... you see this was the day that I had been looking forward to for weeks ... The first night that I would get to actually go out with my friends since Josh had been gone. The plans got cancelled due to one of those random spring time blizzards - of all days! Not only had I had an extremely hard week (and day!) my one chance of getting a little bit of freedom was gone. The next thing I knew my phone rang and the dearest of all my friends said, "get dressed I am on my way to come get you - you need this and I'm not taking no for an answer!" She drove through the elements of the storm and picked me up along with two other of our friends and safely got us to our destination. Meanwhile another great friend, my next door neighbor, volunteered to come sit at my house for three hours and stay with my daughters so that I could go ... how amazing is this group of ladies?!

There was also this middle of the night frantic phone call that I made to my fearless storm defying friend. It was late, I had a nightmare and was scared out of my mind ... it was two days after Josh had left and I woke up and just cried. She did not hesitate to take my call, comfort me and sit on the phone with me until I felt better.

One of my next door neighbors, the amazing woman who offered to watch my children more then I could ever repay, also mowed my lawn for me. Who knew that a woman could mow the lawn?! I had never done it, had no desire to do it and was very thankful for a friend who would offer to do such a thing - AND to do it on her days off from working a full time job and taking care of her own family! Wow, what a blessing you were! I actually have since learned to mow the lawn and now know that, duh(!) of course a woman can mow the lawn! Although I will be glad to hand that job back over to the husband when he returns home.

There were also the dinners ... so many wonderful dinners! I had several friends and neighbors invite me and the little ones over for meals. It was such a nice escape from sitting at the "kid table" every night without any adult conversation. One incredible friend in particular called me at least every weekend and several times throughout the week to make plans to dine with her, her husband and her family. Thank you friend, for making me feel a part of your family and for letting us step in and join in on your family time, it meant so much ... thank you to all for those dinners!

Lastly there is our families ... I cannot even begin to thank you for the endless babysitting so that I could take time out for me, the never ceasing to stop phone calls that were for nothing more then for me to hear another adult voice, inviting me over for get togethers, helping with tedious work around my house and always being there for every little need that came my way. What would we do with out you? I am ever so grateful!

There were many phone calls, long conversations over bottles of wine, play dates, babysitting, help with my housework, carpools, midnight trips to Walmart to stand in line for Twilight, ladies there to listen to me whine and complain about the struggles of being a single mother of three, and so much more ... I have been ever so blessed by my friends, neighbors and family ... When a situation comes into your life where you are alone, out of your element and a temporarily different person, you learn who your real friends are ... the ones who stick by you, take you under their wing and help carry you until you are able to get back on your feet. Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies ... it has been a fun adventure and I'm glad to have had you by my side as I journeyed it ... but now I'm thrilled to announce that my baby's comin' home!

Letting Go ...

Today was my eldest daughters first day of kindergarten ... How did we arrive here already?! It seems like just yesterday I was running up the street to my bus stop and waiting for the bus to take me to my first day of kindergarten. I remember it so well. I had curls in my long, brown hair. I wore a matching shirt/skirt magenta outfit with black polka dots all over it ... It was sort of ruffly ... totally 80's! I still have the pictures of my sister and best friend and I standing up at the bus stop. Was that really twenty two years ago? I remember practicing spelling my last name in the car on the way to school one morning and my Mom not letting me out of the car until I had it right H-A-R-M-O-N-Y. Learning to spell the word dinosaur was a part of my kindergarten experience - something that once I learned I felt extremely big kid-ish and important knowing. A few of my memories include watching eggs hatch into baby chicks, sitting through circle time giggling with my friends, crushing on boys, learning that not everybody had the same beliefs as I did and being stunned that they didn't, learning school yard games such as: Monday marriage day, Wednesday wedding day and Friday flip up day - yeah all of us girls always wore skirts or dresses on Friday's. :) Oh the joys of elementry school!

Now my little one is off at school probably starting to gather up her own experiences. I wonder what kinds of stories she will come home to tell me ... What kinds of friends she will make ... What her learning style will be ... who knows?! I have mothered her and nurtured her as best as I could at home for the past five years and now it is time to hand her off to the teachers. So many things raced through my head last night as I mentally prepared myself for this day. Of course I was mostly excited for all that she would start to experience but there are also fears associated with handing your child over to the world. I don't want her to get her feelings hurt, her heart broken, pushed by a bully, teased by other children or get lost ... Some of that I just need to bit my lip and let happen, after all, we all have faced those issues at some point or another in our childhood and it helps shape and strengthen us. I concluded that all I can do is offer up prayers for her every morning and every night ... be there for her at the end of everyday with arms wide open ... continue to set a good example at home ... and to have faith that I've done my best to prepare her so that she will grow up to make the wisest choices.

Kindergarten is such a huge step in growing up ... I will always treasure the memories of today and look forward to hearing her side of the story twenty two years down the road when she sends her child off for their first day ...

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ...

So do you remember when you first started dating your 'love'? You just couldn't get enough of each other, right?! Talking on the phone for hours and never running out of things to say ... getting yourself all prettied up to go out on dates ... gushing to your friends about how great your guy is ... patiently (or impatiently in my case) waiting through seemingly never ending days until until you could reunite with this person ...Whether you went through this forty years ago, fifteen years ago or two years ago, we have all been through it or will go through it at some point in our romantic lives ... but then we get married and slowly things change. I'm not saying things change for the worse but that passion tends to decrease a little as time goes on. The endless "i love you" at the end of a phone call turns into a quick, "love ya!" The date nights sometimes fail to come up as often as they used to. We get comfortable, which can be ok ...

I have been lucky to have been through a brief separation from my husband. Lucky, you ask?! Let me assure you this was not a separation of the relationship just a physical separation as Senior Airman trained in the Air Force. During the past five months we have constantly been telling each other what a blessing it has been to be apart as we have "re-learned" how to bring the eagerness for one another back into our relationship. Before he left we seldom fought, and were very comfortable in our crazy life of parenting three little girls and running back and forth between all the activities in our life. We were happy but life was settled and in a routine ...

I would say after Senior Airman had been gone for a week all of a sudden I realized that I cannot live without him! I mean taking care of the girls was fairly easy, frustrating and tiring at times but there was no problem there, I could handle it ... but living without my best friend was unbearable. I went through a range of emotions associated with missing him. He wasn't just gone, he was out of contact. No phone calls except one ten minute call a week, no emails, no texts, nothing except old fashioned letters written with a pen and paper and mailed with a stamp ... I am such a romantic, I love letters, flowers, dates, the works - Senior Airman is not a romantic bottom line. I wrote him everyday he was in boot camp - EVERY day! All of a sudden a week after he left I started receiving those things called letters back ... not just letters, LOVE letters. Wow, I wasn't aware he had it in him! The things that came out of the man's mouth (or what he wrote on paper I should say) were brilliant! I was almost a little shy when I read them. I am certain I blushed more then once. I now have them neatly kept in a special place where I will forever keep and treasure them. Oddly enough, our time apart was really starting to seem like it was strengthining our relationship and helping us to appreciate each other and all we were so much more.

After boot camp was over, I got phone calls everyday and it was like we were dating all over again. I waited all day to get those calls and then we would talk for hours. Each call began with, "hello my beautiful wife!", which was out of norm by far. He still wrote me letters and some emails too. Then one day he got all quiet and told me that he had been thinking long and hard and he really wanted us to renew our vows ... he wanted our friends, families and everyone there. He wanted to tell the world how much he treasured me and was wildly in love with me. I was stunned ... typically it is the wife who suggests this and it comes around ten or twenty five years of marriage. We are only coming up on year six and HE suggested it - not only a mere suggestion mind you, this was a full fledged plea! I knew he was serious when a couple weeks later he asked again. I was so giddy I felt like he was asking me for the first time again!!! Apparently Senior Airman had been seeing me and our marriage in a whole new light just as I had been. We were falling in love all over again ...

Next week he comes home and I am beyond excited! I feel like I just went through the whole dating thing again. My heart has beat extra hard, my love has grown even deeper and now he gets to come home to me! I am blissfully excited and honestly don't feel like I am welcoming home my husband ... I feel like I am a newly wed about to begin life with the one I love.

I'm not sure that the vow renewal will happen this year, though he is pressing hard but I do know that public formality or not our vows are newly renewed in our hearts and our marriage has grown in leaps and bounds over the past five months. If I had the choice to do it all over again and face life alone for five months I would jump at the chance! The old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" rings true ... better then true ... life changing ... marriage changing ...

Maybe you should think twice before you come knocking on my door for the next few weeks ... I am after all in newly wed mode! Just kidding ... well maybe not ... :)